Cry of the Broken

This weekend has one heck of a roller coaster...

From trips to the mall, church retreats, manna xmas party, Sunday school exams/party, cleaning house, grocery shopping and cooking for two hrs straight... Its no wonder i passed out at the dinner table, lol.

But one thing that really stood out this weekend was when i was at my aunts house today. Some of my friends know... others dont. But my aunt had a mental breakdown around 2004 and she's a LOT better than she was... But she isnt the same aunt i remember from when I was younger. We were at the house that she had bought to rent to ppl... The one that had been stuffed to the max with just crap she had accumulated over so many years. The house that was left unattended for so long that rats roamed freely everywhere and was just not livable to anyone, yet she lived there for about three yrs by herself.

My uncle -her younger brother, three of his friends, my mom, sis, and i came today to clear out the house. He had rented a u-haul in order to move stuff from this house to my aunts other one and the rest to his loft. Everything else was going to goodwill. I was in charge of clearing out the paperwork. My uncle had gone through filing cabinets and loads of boxes weeks before, but there were still a few boxes left. My aunt had kept EVERYTHING.

For the most part, it wasn't too hard I just threw away anything that wasn't newer than 7 yrs. But my aunt was also in the room and i could tell every time i tore up statements from the 90's or chuckef huge stacks of paper at the trash bag, she'd have this look on her face that said she wanted to keep them. But what broke my heart was when i found some of her scribblings on scratches of paper that dated to 2004, when she got layed off and she started acting weird. She was already becoming paranoid about keeping track of all things she did... Always afraid someone was watching her. And it just worse as i was cleaning out the boxes. I wanted to just cry at the pain i saw through her writing. She was so lonely in her own world and none of us could reach her to help her. I glanced over at where she was trying to sort her own pile and i could see she was struggling with what she was trying to do. The meds that shes on now slow her down and makes her confused very easily... She kept muttering about how she used to make so much money in the past.. I told her she couldnt take any of that anyways after she died. I know that the darkness is still trying to push her over the ledge by reminding her of money and her paranoia.. I asked for protection for all of us there and reached out to friends for support. She has come a very long way from where she was before. I just pray God lets her experience true joy and happiness in this world before He takes her away...

Rambling...

It's been awhile since I've updated this...ironically, I got the Blogger app on my phone so that I could update more often...but that hasn't been happening, obviously.

Tonight, there was a lightworks meeting at my friend's house and I felt really at peace. To be with my friends and to feel God's presence as we all shared about the graces we received this past week. It was the type of setting I thought I was going into when I first joined manna. Intimate, warm, and a sense of trust and openess.

I think I should technically be super excited about my first trip outside of the country on thurs, but I just want to savor this peaceful feeling. No stress. No anxiety. Nothing but a deep calm. It's nice. I wish it could last forever.

No ac

So I got to work today and noticed that it was a bit muggy. Turns out there had been a power outage last night and it tripped something and affected the ac. So, now I know why almost every ba has a small portable heat/ac thingy. For times like this. I scored one from a desk that no one works at and had it blowing at my back all day. And one of the managers got ice cream for us. Winnnn!

I also updated my phone to Gingerbread 2.3...it was super fast and cool at first, but it seems to be lagging a bit right now. Maybe I have to reboot it...

Long week. Thank God it's over! Time to get ready for bday party and sushi!!

Restless

Today was such a busy day. It just seemed to be going non-stop!! After work, I got some sandwiches from Mozart's for dinner for la and me. They were actually realllllly good! We need to figure out how to make those. Then the band performed at st. Elizabeth Ann seton. It went really well and I am glad there weren't any noticeable mistakes! Of course, our mom had something to say when we got home, but we were just too tired so we showered and went to our rooms. Sigh. Oh well, I enjoyed my time with my friends. I've really missed hanging out with them!

First post from phone!

Testing!!!

Manna...UP!!

Oh my..it's 4:16am...and I still am not even sleepy.

I totally meant to keep up with this..but work/2 faith formation classes and most recently, joining the Manna prayer group AND their band has taken up all of my time. 

Since Caritas, I feel like I've finally found a group of people who I can really connect with- we share the same faith, sense of humor, and hey! we're all Vietnamese too! I truly cannot believe how Blessed I am to have these people in my life. And it all started with a trip to a Come and See wayyy back in September of last year. There, I met Ly, who told me about Caritas. I went, so then I met Tam, who was in my Caritas small group/family. Then she introduced me to Manna-which, I had heard of before was always too shy to come to a meeting where I didn't know anyone..but since I met a LOT of them at Caritas, I felt more comfortable in going. Then..well, they kinda talked me into joining the band. And so I did. But where there are blessing, there are also always obstacles. My mom wanted me to really "discern" and see if this was the right group for me to be in. I was like, "really, mom??" All of my best friends are out of state and I didn't really make friendships like that in college. You know that feeling when you meet someone and ya'll just click? That's what I felt with a bunch of the Manna members. We just clicked. And then there was the trip to Houston with the unforgettable house party. But struggle as I may with my mother and my new choice of friends, I know that I will still take her advice and still ask God for His grace to be a part of the group. If it is in His will, then it's meant to be.

So thursday morning, a band member sent out an urgent email saying that 65 confirmation students were having a retreat the next night..and the band that was invited to do a praise & worship/ taize for them...had canceled last minute. So they called my friend, who asked the band if anyone was willing to help out. I was astonished at how fast they pulled together and stretched their schedules so that they could make this happen. I originally had told the group that I couldn't go, since the slot for the band to play was from 10:30 to 11:30 pm..but my mom surprised me today at work and asked me if I was going. I sat at my desk and blinked at my phone..surely, she wasn't LETTING me help out at such a late hour?? But she told me to discern at mass and see if they needed an extra hand. Well...seeing as they only had a handful of people putting this together in the first place, of course they needed all the extra help they could get! But I did still follow my mom's suggestion and offered up the mass for the students, the band, and for a band member, who wasn't feeling well. So I picked up some bubble tea for everyone before the event, got there, helped set up, and had an AWESOME time. I've been to many retreats and have always been on the other side of the band. But to be a PART of it--to be serving for God, it's a totally different experience. During the taize, I read the reading..(odd, I always get stuck reading the bible passages) and slowly, but surely, I felt the Holy Spirit move through the kids. It's such a moving experience. To see them growing spiritually, right in front of my eyes. I pray that they may keep that flame burning, even after this retreat, for the rest of their lives. We did finish almost on time, but the cleaning/packing up took at least an hour. Mostly because of all the candles used for taize. Fortunately, we had some help with the retreat leaders. We were def thankful for their help! After everything was packed and cleaned, we had group huddle, said a prayer of thanks, and gave good bye hugs. By the time I left the parking lot, it was 15 tlll 1am.  But I got to experience the word, "Godspeed." I was able to get home from Garland to Plano under 15 minutes. Whoaaa, right? On a clear-road Sunday, it still takes me around 20-25 min. My angel was carrying me along! Thanks, Stephan.

And for some reason (prob my mind not thinking rationally after midnight) I had drank a whole think of COFFEE MILK TEA right around 11pm. I prob confused myself and thought it was tea, which wouldn't really have had any effect on me..but coffee...yea, i'm just now getting sleepy. slightly. aiyaaa. i even said a rosary already. and now i'm hungry. sigh. that'll teach me to drink coffee before bed.

So that's where I am spiritually. Socially, I've made a good friend at work. We're told we're twinkies bc we're both asian and pretty much do everything together at work. No creepers as of late. No crushes. Just this sense of peace that God will continue to put people in my life that will lead me to my next path in life. A friend asked me, Did I think I should go out and at least try to find guys who might be suitable? I think, even before I was this Spiritually inclined, I would have still said, No. Before, I would have said, I'm old fashioned. If the guy likes me, he'll make it known and pursue. To some, coughchoucough, I'm too picky. But I know what I want, and that's not changed much. Nowadays, I truly believe, if I'm meant to be with someone, then God will find a way for him to be in my life. I just trust Him to know what's best for me.