This weekend has one heck of a roller coaster...
From trips to the mall, church retreats, manna xmas party, Sunday school exams/party, cleaning house, grocery shopping and cooking for two hrs straight... Its no wonder i passed out at the dinner table, lol.
But one thing that really stood out this weekend was when i was at my aunts house today. Some of my friends know... others dont. But my aunt had a mental breakdown around 2004 and she's a LOT better than she was... But she isnt the same aunt i remember from when I was younger. We were at the house that she had bought to rent to ppl... The one that had been stuffed to the max with just crap she had accumulated over so many years. The house that was left unattended for so long that rats roamed freely everywhere and was just not livable to anyone, yet she lived there for about three yrs by herself.
My uncle -her younger brother, three of his friends, my mom, sis, and i came today to clear out the house. He had rented a u-haul in order to move stuff from this house to my aunts other one and the rest to his loft. Everything else was going to goodwill. I was in charge of clearing out the paperwork. My uncle had gone through filing cabinets and loads of boxes weeks before, but there were still a few boxes left. My aunt had kept EVERYTHING.
For the most part, it wasn't too hard I just threw away anything that wasn't newer than 7 yrs. But my aunt was also in the room and i could tell every time i tore up statements from the 90's or chuckef huge stacks of paper at the trash bag, she'd have this look on her face that said she wanted to keep them. But what broke my heart was when i found some of her scribblings on scratches of paper that dated to 2004, when she got layed off and she started acting weird. She was already becoming paranoid about keeping track of all things she did... Always afraid someone was watching her. And it just worse as i was cleaning out the boxes. I wanted to just cry at the pain i saw through her writing. She was so lonely in her own world and none of us could reach her to help her. I glanced over at where she was trying to sort her own pile and i could see she was struggling with what she was trying to do. The meds that shes on now slow her down and makes her confused very easily... She kept muttering about how she used to make so much money in the past.. I told her she couldnt take any of that anyways after she died. I know that the darkness is still trying to push her over the ledge by reminding her of money and her paranoia.. I asked for protection for all of us there and reached out to friends for support. She has come a very long way from where she was before. I just pray God lets her experience true joy and happiness in this world before He takes her away...
